Penis Size: What Men Think They Need: What They Think Women Want

Very interesting read and actually, genuinely funny. It’s a great read on nights when obsessive thoughts are running rampant due to many factors (the main being the lack of meds for a week). Sometimes 2:15 on Wednesday afternoons can’t come soon enough… ; )

Dr. Pinhas is completely right, there is too much emphasis on penis size in society. I am an 18 year old female who has been with her boyfriend for over a year and a half now. Yet, we are both still virgins. My friends really do not understand why I do not at least try having sex. But honestly every time my friends tell me about their first time they say how it was so “painful” and you need to keep trying it until finally it starts to feel good. My boyfriend has a large penis which makes me fear sex even more! If sex is already painful to my friends who have partners with smaller penis sizes, sex with my boyfriend must be a killer! Both me and my boyfriend reach orgasm by other ways (for example oral sex) and I am perfectly fine with this. In these types of alternatives from coitus, penis size has no influence to me in the sexual matter dealing with how I feel emotionally and physically. Honestly, I kind of wish my boyfriend’s penis was a bit smaller- maybe I would not be so scared to have sex with him! So as you can see in my eyes, as a female, the smaller the better!

From my personal experience penis size isn’t my main concern when having intercourse. When I lost my virginity to my bf of 3 years he wasn’t what you would say “packing”. His size never bothered me at all because our relationship was more than just sex. He was my first so I didn’t really know what to expect. I was perfectly satisfied with his penis size. I feel that you can have a small penis & still be able to work it and satisfy a female. I have had an experience where I had intercourse with this guy who was a little bigger but for some reason didn’t quiet satisfy me. I tried talking about what I did & didn’t like but he got offended and still couldn’t satisfy me. Big or small in my opinion it all depends on what you like, and if you don’t like something, or like it in a certain way then say something. Hopefully he/she will take it better than my previous partner.

Penis size is not at all what makes sex good or not. Size does not matter at all regardless of what we hear on t.v or when we are out with our friends. Sex becomes enjoyable when you understand how to have sex with the equipment that has been given to you (your penis) not the equipment by itself. A man could have a very large penis but not know how to use it therefore the sex would not be enjoyable. On the other hand, a man with a smaller penis and who knows how to use it, will have a very enjoyable sex life. Most women do not have an active g spot and cannot climax from the vagina. On top of that, a penis needs to be no more than roughly one inch to be able to reach the g spot inside of a woman, if she even has an active one. With that in mind, this myth of a bigger penis means better sex is proven false. If you are with a woman who does not appreciate your body and what you were born with, she is not someone who is worth your time and affection. If she puts you down for who you are, she is not someone who you should share your sexual relations with. Sex needs to be with somebody who respects you, cares for you and someone who won’t make you feel bad about yourself. Once you find somebody who appreciates what you were given and loves your penis the way that it is, your insecurity of this will eventually fade away and it will not bother you anymore. As a female with small breasts, I have always felt insecure about myself and have always felt that no guy could possibly find me attractive compared to other females with larger breasts. After a while of feeling insecure, I was getting tired of feeling that way and I started to teach myself to feel confident in myself and the way that I look. This is the way that I was born, and although I may be lacking in the breast area, I have better qualities in other areas of my physical appearance and most importantly, in my personality and my overall self as a person. I have pride in what I look like and I found a man who loves the way that I look because he truly cares for me. Once you accept and appreciate what was given to you, it makes it easier find somebody who appreciates you and your body, your sex life will get better and your confidence builds much stronger. Don’t ever let anybody put you down for who you are. Everybody has something about themselves that they don’t like whether it be penis size, breasts, their nose, their teeth, their height, etc..When it comes down to it, it’s all about who you are as a person and if you can find somebody who appreciates who you are as a person, then that’s the right person for you and that person will not put you down for your penis size and better yet, sex will be much more enjoyable.

I think it’s nice to hear females agreeing with you Dr. The sad thing is when girls go behind a guys back and talk about their size or lack there of. I know plenty of guys who say “hey I got a small dick, what can ya do.”. I’ve also seen girls bash guys to a crowd and it’s devastating. I think that is a big part of penis anxiety, being ridiculed after the fact

I agree 100% with the statement that it’s not about the size of the boat it’s about the motion in the ocean. A lo of girls talk about how a big penis is better and all that, and others say how they’re scared of a big penis because it could hurt. I’ve seen various sizes and honestly i never thought that the size mattered about how good the sex was. I guess the thought of a big penis can make a man seem more manly-er or whatever but i don’t exactly agree with that. I mean it’s nice to have a big penis i guess but i think it’s all about how you move and your relationship you have with the person. If you truly care about the person it wont matter to you how big their penis is.

I feel like what every girl wants is different when it comes to penis size. Some girls like when a guy’s penis is longer because they like feeling the penis reach deeper inside but some girls like when a penis is wider. Some girls have anxiety about having sexual intercourse with someone with a large penis because they think it will be painful. I feel like it depends if the guy knows about your anxiety and takes things slow and helps you relax it might be easier. I personally didn’t have any problems the first time I had sexual intercourse because my bf was kind of scared of hurting me and he didn’t have a very large penis so that may have helped too. I don’t recommend anyone having sex if they don’t feel ready or if they want to “do it” just to say that they did.

Dr. Pinhas, I found this posting and the comments from you and readers over the months that followed to be incredibly helpful. I never spoke to anyone about this until I was well into my 40s, even though it has been a significant factor in my life. I observed at age six in the locker room of the public pool where I took swimming lessons that my penis was significantly smaller than all the other little boys’ penises. I had no idea of the sexual and social implications that would come up later, but I knew that this was the most prominent physical sign of maleness, particularly at that age when boys’ and girls’ bodies aren’t all that different from each other. I began to hide nude body and I felt a little shame. I also expected that I would grow and catch up. I never did. I grew into a nice looking and taller-than-average healthy young man’s body, but my penis never grew at all.

I entered a world of dating and relationships with women with a fully formed and functional penis, but exceptionally small in size. I don’t think my parents ever knew about my lack of development, because I couldn’t talk with them about it, and they never saw me naked after about age four when I could dress and bathe myself without assistance. So, I did see a urologist when I was in my mid-20s and his diagnosis was “micropenis” but with limited treatment options and nothing to help me with my social anxiety and feelings of sexual inadequacy because of it.

I’ve had some great relationships with women, and I was married. My own experience is that my penis size was a cause of some dissatisfaction and frustration to about half the women I knew that way, and the other half didn’t mind or at least didn’t tell me if they did. A couple of women, my ex-wife included, were pretty cruel with their comments about my my penis. Looking back, it’s sad that a six-year-old boy should have had worries about his penis size affect the happiness of childhood, and that my parents never knew or took me for medical evaluation as a child, or maybe some counseling to help me prepare for adolescence and the teenage years. Most of the humiliations came between age 14 and age 28, and I’ve pretty well come to terms with it over the past couple of years.

I commented recently using the name “Norm,” and you replied. I called myself “Norm” rather than using my real name “Chris,” because there is lingering shame and insecurity from my own experience as a man dealing with the physical fact of penile insufficiency (medically diagnosed “micropenis”), social stigma and sexual relationship challenges, and my struggle to maintain feelings of self worth and sexual adequacy. You invited me to elaborate about my experience, so this is that additional information.

I appreciate your perspective, and I have grateful for the many gifts and opportunities of life. I’m reasonably well educated, financially secure, and successful in a 30-year career that includes leadership positions and respect from others. In all aspects of life, people respect those who demonstrate a positive attitude and treat others well. I expect that I do those two things with some success. It’s almost comical, but I think generally true that success in the workplace for a man is as much attributable to being tall and having good hair as it is to having good ideas or being able to sell the ideas he has better than others do. Overall, my body image is reasonably realistic and positive. You stressed expression and the use of words in your reply to my comment on the earlier post on “Penis Size.“ With regard to words, do well writing, speaking publicly or privately, and listening actively. I don’t do so well with words when the subject is of a sexual nature.

You offer excellent information from professional experience on what is an exceptionally personal subject to men. I’m 51 and the internet didn’t exist in common usage until I was in my mid-30s, and there was little information widely available on this subject until fairly recently. I know I found very little in my teen years, and it isn’t the kind of thing I could go asking a librarian to help with.
In my own case, I visited a urologist at age 25 because my ex-wife (still married then) and I were trying to have a child and nine months of trying produced no result. We both visited our doctors, and they both told us to give it another three months and then come back. My doctor then sent me to have my sperm tested at a lab and to visit a urologist. The urologist diagnosed “micropenis” and talked about surgical options (none satisfactory to me). He told me that intervention just after puberty should have involved hormone treatments, but that it was a decade too late in my growth and development at the point I saw him. My testes matured, but they stayed very small also, and I distinctly remember that the doctor wrote in a short letter to either me or my doctor following the visit: “gential dimensions – infantile; formation – unremarkable; function – normal.” He told me to avoid tobacco and alcohol and maintain good cardiovascular fitness, but that my penis, like the rest of me, had reached its full adult potential. The words hit the floor like a glass bottle dropped and shattering: “My penis size is infantile, and that’s my full adult potential.”

As a child, I didn’t tell my parents about my concerns that began at age six because, although educated, they were very practical people. My father had seen men cut in half by shrapnel when he was in the Army fighting in the Pacific during the Second World War, and he didn’t consider any childhood physical injury or anomaly all that serious. Money was tight, and my family couldn’t even afford regular dental care. I thought that my parents would have found it frivolous for me to be worried about the fact that I’d seen that my penis was much smaller than any of the other little boys’ penises. My sister (18 months older than I am) and I had bathed together until about age five. With barely anything protruding between my legs, the flesh between my legs more closely resembled my sister’s than it did the normal penises of my three brothers or the boys my age I saw changing at the public swimming pool with me. I understood that I was a boy, and I resembled and felt like one in all respects other than when I was nude in the presence of other boys, and my penis was clearly much smaller even than those all the toddlers running around.

If I had known how this might be a social problem beginning in my teen years, I would have talked with my parents about it, but I had no idea, and still hoped I would grow and catch up.

Beginning at age 11, I dreaded the prospect of high school. My body was growing, but my penis wasn’t, and the bigger the rest of my body got, the smaller it looked on me. The main reason I dreaded high school was that my parents were going to send all their sons to an all-male private school that required students to swim nude in gym class. One week out of every four for four years was nude in the pool in groups of 40-50 at a time. We were lined up for roll call, waiting to use the diving board, and standing on the side of the pool waiting our turn to dive back in. My oldest brother began at that school when I was 11, and one day he saw me in the bathroom at home after my shower. He told me that my penis would be noticed and a problem for me. I believe his exact words were: “You’ll never make high school with that tiny dick.”

I did go to that school, and at ages 14 to 18, hormones are raging and talk is about all things sexual. Because of swimming, it was universally known for 3 of my 4 years there that I had he smallest penis in the whole school, that’s about 1,500 guys who cycled through during those years. Unfortunately for me, this knowledge didn’t stay in the pool, or even within the walls of the school. Guys talk. Guys talk to girls. Girls talk. All of the girls at our sister school knew who the bigger guys were, and they all knew about me. There were giggles, whispers, and hand gestures in social situations, and some painful nicknames. Those were the most difficult years of my life, as they are for many people. I began dating at age 16, mostly through part-time job connections and with girls who had no knowledge of me through school. I was tall and fit, reasonably good looking, and some girls were always flirting with me or giving indications of interest.

I dated but delayed pursuing sex for longer than any of my friends did, mostly because I liked the company of girls our age, but I was terrified of what would happen when it came to sex or even petting that led to a sudden reach into my pants. Eventually it did happen, and I was totally unprepared. Maybe everyone is a little unprepared or nervous, and it turned out that intercourse was nothing like what my friends told me it would be like, and the sensation was nothing like what her friends told her to expect (pain, tightness, difficulty inserting). Neither one of us should have been losing our virginity at that point (age 17), but it turned out worse than I thought. Only a couple of days later, she “outed” me in my presence to a group of 3 waitresses and our female manager at the restaurant where we worked after school and on weekends. They knew that we were dating and physically affectionate, and one of them made a comment directed to my girlfriend nodding in my direction and referring to me as “your man.” She snorted, made a hand gesture with tips of right index finger and thumb about an inch apart, and said: “He’s not a MAN; he’s not even HALF a man; he’s just a little BOY!” There was a long silence, then they all started to laugh. I stood there feeling faint and thought I might vomit.

I’m only saying all this, because you’re right, Dr. Pinhas. There are successful and unsuccessful ways of dealing with the challenges of life. The physical insufficiency of my sexual organs and the feelings that came from life experience took me decades of trial and error to work though and tame. I’m glad that you posted what you did on your blog, and that there’s more information now available to young men, especially in their teen years and 20s than there was when I was younger.

Although this posting is already long, I’ll offer some other information here.

I never found an optimal sexual strategy for myself. Over time, these events, my preparations, and the reactions of myself and others reached a sort of bearable equilibrium. I didn’t have much help either. These three men have learned a lot from you and other reliable sources, as others are now.

One good thing is that, over time, the situations of forced nudity and exposure reduce in frequency and number. As children and teenagers, we have no control. At this point in my life, the only people who see me naked and learn the truth of my penis size are the people I want to have see me naked, the occasional medical procedure excepted of course.

At age 51, I’m 6’1″ tall, weigh 190 pounds, and my doctor tells me that I’m within 5 pounds of a medically ideal weight. I run 40 miles per week, walk another 20 to get to and from work, and do other exercise as well. I still have a full head of mostly dark hair, and my Mediterranean skin never wrinkled. By all appearances, I’m a thoroughly fit man. The secret I conceal beneath my clothes is that my unaroused penis is the size and shape of a little sewing thimble, under one inch long. Fully erect, my penis reaches a maximum length of two inches (about the length and thickness of the thumb of a small adult hand), less if any alcohol is involved.

These are some of the issues I’ve had to face:

– Standard condoms don’t fit. They slip off, and the smallest snug fit condoms are difficult to find, except online, and not well displayed. A pharmacy may have three varieties of large condoms, 20 varieties of regular-size condoms and no small condoms. I have to ask. Ugh.

– Combine condoms slipping off with my penis slipping out during vaginal penetrative intercourse. It’s frustrating for a woman to have to keep stopping and breaking the rhythm so we can reinsert me, sometimes also putting the condom back on. There’s almost no way to stroke or thrust with a penis as small as mine. If I pull back an inch or if a woman shifts her hips at all when I move, I’m out.

– Most positions that women have come to enjoy just don’t work with me. If I can even reach, I probably can’t enter. It’s more frustrating for a woman than for me, because I’ve never had another penis to work with. By her teen years or early 20s, women have had other partners, some good and some not, but none physically endowed like I am.

– I always had, and still have, a great fear of word spreading that my penis is unusually small. Young women may tell their friends about all their partners. Beyond a certain age, the mystery and novelty has worn off, and women share fewer of the details of their sexual encounters. However, they still tell their friends about remarkable lovers, skilled or not, extremely large, or extremely small. This is not something that a man wants to be known for, not just as a matter of pride and self-worth, but even adults will tease about it, especially if alcohol is involved, and it’s a distraction from the enjoyment of life.

– Skinny dipping and strip poker are normal rites of passage among social circles. A young man running from these situations, which I have always done, is awkward and indicates that he lacks confidence, maybe creating the presumption of having a small penis. The alternative of displaying it always seemed worse.

– Swimming. There’s no way in a wet swimming suit, no matter how baggy it is, to conceal the size of my genital bulge. If anyone cares to look, it’s pretty obvious that there isn’t much there, and the size and shape are usually obvious. In the past 45 years, since age 6, I’ve never climbed out of a swimming pool or walked back onto a beach from the water without being extremely self-conscious about the small size of my penis being clearly visible and apparent.

– Table talk. Whenever adult conversation gets to the subject of penis size, and it does, especially when alcohol is involved and at least one person wants to bring it up, I feel very uncomfortable and say nothing. My change in demeanor, and likely blushing, sends signals that I have something to hide. The anxiety and stress in these situations, hoping not to give myself away, is really awful.

– Urinals in mens’ rooms. This is one area in which I’m probably more comfortable than other guys who have small penises. When I really have to go, the relief from relieving the pressure on my bladder makes me not care who can see me. I’ve known a couple of other guys who couldn’t go if anyone was near them in there.

– Indirect stigma. Women do not want to be known among their friends, co-workers, or sisters for having a boyfriend or husband with a small penis. As much as I have felt sexually inadequate as a man, there have been situations in which the secret came out in one way or another. A wife or girlfriend is then exposed to some teasing and there is an implication that she’s somehow less of a woman for attracting such a sexually underdeveloped man.

– Dating. I have to be a normal man, but I also have to find a way to disclose that I have an exceptionally small penis. There is no ideal time or way to do this, and it is usually very awkward. However, I have learned very clearly that the surprise to a woman in a moment of passion and first physical intimacy with me is much worse than the fact of it. It has to be before stripping or touching toward sex, and this is difficult to tell. Too early, and it can seem just plain weird to a date that bring it up, particularly if she had no intention of going to bed with me. If I bring it up too late, on the other hand, she’s going to be shocked and disappointed.

– Rejection. My ex-wife told me when she left that she was moving out, that we were getting a divorce, that my penis was way too small to satisfy her sexually, and that she was already seeing other men. That’s what she said to me on the day she moved out. Not money problems, not bad breath, not fat or stupid or lazy or selfish. Penis is too small. In college, I asked a woman out. I found her very attractive, bright, and funny, and I thought she thought the same of me. She told me directly that she wasn’t interested in dating me because she’d heard from a girlfriend of hers that I have a tiny penis, and she finds men with small penises to be a total turn-off. That’s almost word-for-word what she said. Tiny penis, no date.

– Media images and comedy are increasingly hostile and demeaning toward small penises. It’s just the way it is. We aren’t a protected class, and the trend is definitely in that direction. The same discomfort I feel in the point above about “table talk” I feel every time someone on television makes a demeaning comment about someone having a small penis. For example, there are about three such references in every episode of the TV sitcom “Two and a Half Men.” This is just an example. It’s really pervasive, and I guess I have to accept that it’s funny to make fun of a man because he has a small penis. I can’t laugh, but I don’t begrudge others laughing.

I knew all along that the alternative was to not date or send signals of romantic interest. I enjoy friendships with men, but I always felt a strong attraction to certain women, I suppose in a conventional heterosexual way. Avoiding romantic and intimate relationships with women never seemed to be a compelling or satisfactory way for me to live.

So, I had to choose carefully, make certain that the basis for the relationship was something deeper than physical attraction, and never chase women just to get them into bed. Most of my friends did just this, chase women just for sex. A few, even at my age now, still do. I also had to learn ways of pleasing a woman without vaginal penetrative intercourse, or at least reserving it until she is fully satisfied by other means.

I’ll close with one last thought. I’ve never told anyone this before, and I’m now sharing for the blog. Since that day in the swimming pool locker room at age six when I observed that my penis was so much smaller than those of other boys, I’ve gone to bed every night hoping that my penis would grow while I sleep. The first thing I’ve done every morning when I first wake up is reach down and feel my penis with my fingers to see if it grew while I slept. It’s never grown. Here, 45 years later, I go to bed with that same hope each night, a much more faint hope than when I was a boy and expected that all of me would grow. Even now, I still wake up each morning, feel the small penis and scrotum between my legs, remember the urologists description, “infantile,” and I know that it remains so. The only thing left to do is to shake the disappointment from my mind and focus on the new day and what I must do to begin that day of work and responsibilities.

Chris (“Norm” in my original comment was a function of my shame and lingering insecurity. Thank you for helping me take a step out of the shadows.)

I measure 5″ long and 5″ girth when erect and I’ve been humiliated by both men and women and hurts me to this very day. I am happily married with two great children and I know it should not matter but it still bothers me. You must understand that when I read the comments that state “size does not matter ….”, I am doubting the sincerity. It seems to me such statements, including yours Doctor, are platitudes to make men like me feel better. I know that may not be rational but that is what my experience has taught me. Please do not be offended but I will carry some level of doubt when I hear opinions such as yours and others on this site. The humiliation still bothers me to this day although I am reasonably happy.

Doctor:

Thank you for getting back to me. 5″ girth meaning circumference, not width. I was ruminating at the time I wrote the comment so I apologize if I appeared harsh or offended you. That was not my intention. As for the humiliations, back in college in my dorm room there were about ten of us hanging out late and I was in my bed in my underwear. I got up to do something and one of the guys remarked mockingly, “Hey Steve, got a big dick?” and the whole room erupted in laughter. I will never forget it. I’ve also been laughed at by women in various situations I need not detail. While it was not so many episodes, it still haunts me to this day. Of course I was judged on my flaccid length. It is memories such as these that taint my attitude at times. Intellectually, I believe all that you post but emotionally I just am not quite there. That said, I am happily married and my wife does not seem to care and I believe her. So I guess I will always be a tad skeptical and perhaps I am focusing too much on that which is not important. But we are all “works in process” and I do appreciate your understanding.

Steve

I have a very small penis 3.8 inches erect. when ever women see the size of my penis they turn away and laugh.I have never had sex with a woman because of my size.

Like Ted I’m a 57 year old virgin. I’m shy and not good at socializing. Never been around women very much. I have a 4″ penis which I’m ashamed of. I hate being small. I now have erection problems. I masturbate 4 or 5 times a day and every time I do I’m reminded of how small I am. I hate the fact that so many women find a small penis funny. Even normal caring sensitive women can’t help but laugh when a small penis is mentioned. The last thing I want women to think about my penis is that it is funny. I wanted to be happy. To have girlfriends, a sex life, a wife and kids. All I got instead is loneliness, frustration and humiliation.