Hi professor, this is K. I may seem quiet in class but i’m just taking it all in,
i took this class because i needed and wanted to know more about my body and sex,
i lost my virginity late at age 22, i’ll be 25 this month. As for my question
i was wondering how long does it take a girl to orgasm on her own?
i tried it on my own the circular motion you said in class but i just get
frustrated and stop, i understand girls take a longer time than guys but
how long? i would do it for 20 mins straight and nothing and so i decided
maybe i just can’t orgasm.
Thank you for your time and see you in class.
Response from Dr. Pinhas
K, its not a matter of time that one stimulates one’s clitoris that is at issue in producing orgasm, but rather the aroused state of the person. If you felt sexually charged and genitally throbbing from either your sexual fantasies or erotica, stimulating your clitoris in a circular motion, or the use of a hand/held vibrator placed on your prepuce ( clitoral hood) moving in a downward circular motion, would be more than likely to produce orgasm ( and in a rapid, sure fire fashion, I might add!! LOL). Of course you are going to get frustrated and stop, IF YOU ARE NOT IN THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN BEING EROTIC. Sexual desire , “the wanna” for being eager for sex, is a tough concept to grapple with, particularly, if you’ve grown up in a culture or religion that doesn’t look kindly on a woman’s sexuality or her exploring her eroticism. Sometimes growing up in a sex negative home, either one that is too loose and permissive in terms of boundaries, or too restrictive in producing sex guilt and shame, can also put the whammy on sexual desire.
Let’s suppose you do have desire for sex, then just putting your poor clitoris, through the circular motions, might not be enough stimulation to create sexual excitement which would lead to orgasm. You would first have to create a safe physical place for yourself, assuring yourself of no interruptions. Second, you would have to RELAX and empty your mind of anit-fantasies that might be intruding ( like the Post-Holiday clearance sale at your favorite department store, or walking the dog, etc, etc, etc,…. the list of intrusions in womens’ minds are endless). Third, you would have to replace the anti-fantasies with sexual fantasies and erotic narratives that really work for you, or watch some erotica that meets your specific needs( easier said than done given the poor state of erotica produced for women, but this is the topic of another blog……) Fourth, do not forget to stimulate your nipples in whatever way pleases you, while you masturbate. This multi-focus technique really does heighten arousal. Fifth, if your hand gets tired, consider using a plug-in hand held vibrator that is of good quality. Skip those rinky-dink battery powered cheap imitations. The Hitachi magic wand vibrator with attachments is a reasonable suggestion…. there are other suitable ones as well. The time that it takes to orgasm is less important than the quality and intensity of your erotic focus. When you are feeling aroused and excited, the orgasm via self-masturbation just naturally comes ( pun intended) in due time.
Let me hear from you!
Dear Prof. Pinhas,
Firstly, I have to say you are an excellent professor and I am grateful to have you.
So I have a friend (female) who I’ve had sex a few times now. She considers me just her friend and if “anything happens, it happens.”
I respect her as a person and value her friendship, but I feel like sexual pleasure can create intimate feelings. Like when we cuddle and kiss, for example. To further complicate matters, I’m not sure how she feels.
Is a friend with benefits worth it?
Thank you in advance,
GV
G
I answered your question, under an new blog entitled “Friends with Benefits: the Prude/Slut dilemma. Check it out.
You know, I noticed you said “I would do it for twenty minutes straight and nothing so I decided maybe I can’t orgasm.” Perhaps, herein lies your problem. I began consciously masturbating with intent to orgasm very young.. maybe at ten years old? when my mom gave me a book on the menstrual cycle and it mentioned masturbation. I remember what it was like in the beginning… it seemed like I could just go, and go, and go, and go… with no end result. I mean, it felt good, and I was certainly turned on, but there seemed to be no climax. I developed an anxiety about it, and I’ve noticed that anytime I’m anxious about “cumming” i.e. “I really have to get off! I just want to get off! Why is this not working?!” it only makes it worse for me. The solution I found was to learn to create an environment that triggered sensuality and relaxation for me. I would masturbate in a bathtub with music on so that I couldn’t hear anyone else outside, and maybe some scented bubbles or a scented candle. There, I knew I was safe, I was alone, no one was going to peek in or walk in on me, I could be free with myself (which is a whole other story entirely, given my years of hating my body naked), etc etc. I had my first masturbatory orgasm in a bathtub.. and I think I probably have only missed a few days in between since then. Self-love is great for many reasons; first off, it just feels good! Secondly, it helps a woman discover exactly what she likes (for example, I much prefer both clitoral and g-spot stimulation to achieve orgasm; some women don’t need or want g-spot stimulation at all.) And thirdly, it helps empower a woman to feel comfortable and confident in her own sexuality. Confidence is sexy! It makes one feel sexy, and give off a certain attractive vibe. I say experiment with toys if you wish, and make sure you’re creating an environment for yourself that’s conducive to masturbation. Also, don’t beat yourself up if you just can’t get off every time.. I know I can’t. It’s about fun, and pleasure, not something that should make you pull your hair out!
I know that the male and female anatomy and orgasms differ. The Dr’s advice and assessment describes a male experience pretty well also. I tried masturbating before puberty, and I know I had erections before puberty, but don’t think I could even get myself erect by manipulation prior to puberty. Skip forward a few decades, and I still masturbate regularly. Sometimes I can reach orgasm in 3 minutes. Sometimes, I give up after about 30 minutes, and say: ” I don’t have more time for this right now.” It’s all a matter of having privacy, time available, and having the right thoughts in my mind. About the only time I don’t think I could orgasm if I kept going is when I’m sick, like flu with high fever, and then I wouldn’t even try. Sometimes, if conditions aren’t right, It may take an hour or even two, but the orgasm will always arrive, eventually.