Transgendered: Who Am I?

Question

My partner is a counselor in the school system.  She received an e-mail from a student in 8th grade (13 yrs old) tell her that she believes she’s transgender.  We had a debate as to how she was going to respond to the child, and I think we differ on the validity of the young woman’s feelings. So, here are a couple of questions for you:  Do you think that 13 is too young to feel so certain that you are a boy in a girl’s body?  Do you think that young people that age who have a same-sex orientation confuse their feelings for being transgendered?  I don’t happen to believe that she is either too young, or confused, I read the child’s e-mail, she has been to therapists, done a great deal of research on young people who are transgendered, and she has spoken of feeling suicidal when her mother dismisses her feelings as “a phase.”  Granted, 13 yr olds are prone to drama, but this kid seems to know what she’s talking about, and just wants support to begin transitioning. What’s your opinion on this?

Thanks,

Donna

Response from Dr. Pinhas

Many thirteen year olds confuse sexual orientation with core gender dysphoria.  It is very hard for the average young person to figure out their gender issues in a vacuum.  But, like you, I don’t happen to think that a thirteen year old is too young or confused to know whether they are transgendered. Some of them are that tuned into themselves.   When this young teenager’s  mother doesn’t acknowledging  “her essence”, this can cause a decompensation which trumps the issue of core gender identity.  In essence, ” My mother doesn’t feel what I feel or regard my world.”  The lack of validation can be more traumatic than the issue of gender identity.  This  youngster needs to be seen, therapeutically, by a professional  who is expert in areas of sexual orientation and gender identity. The differential  diagnosis is a difficult one to make in such a young teenager and these issues can be fluid and changing. What is most critical, in my mind, is to follow the adolescent, through the therapy keeping an eye out for shifts in the psyche without presuming sexual orientation or core gender identity. The therapist also needs to be clear that this young person wants to transition.  At this developmental stage, the most important therapeutic gain that can be made is to let this young person explore her/his inner life while having a trained ear listen.  The answer is in the  therapeutic process as it  unfolds. At this stage in the therapy, for a teenager this age, no surgical date need to be set.